I will forget about all the typical bullshit evacuated from the mouths of politicians. All the bullshit, that is, except for that which is absolutely 100% demonstrable. I appreciate measurement. Apparently, Paul Ryan claimed to have run a sub-three hour marathon. I am a bit of a runner myself. I have run distance events. When I finished my first half marathon, I distinctly remember the one hour and forty two minutes. I’m not sure about the seconds, but that is not so important. The fact is that I can never ever drop a half hour off of that time. The time I pulled was pretty good for a first time long distance runner in his late 30s. But a half hour less than that would be a great time for a first time runner in his late 30s.
When I ran a marathon, I recall knowing not only my final time, but intermediate times. You see, my fastest ever 5k (at the time) was the first 5k of my first marathon. That was a bad sign. My fastest 10k to date was the first 10k of the same race. Before the halfway point, I knew I was in trouble. I hit the halfway point at appreciably slower than my worst half marathon. By the time I finished, I had taken a humiliating time of nearly four hours and ten minutes. Granted, the Bataan Memorial Death March is a notoriously difficult run, especially for a first timer like I was. Nevertheless, half a decade later I still look forward to the day I can do a more standard marathon in a more respectable time.
But I’ll be damned if I will falsely claim to have beaten my well-earned four hours and change. I earned it, by various gods, and I will claim it to my dying day. Only a spectacular asshole with a deep and unsettling degree of assholery would ever exaggerate a run time by more than a couple of minutes (for true long distances) or seconds for more moderate distances. God damn it, that guy is creepy. Even more than born-with-a-silver-stick-up-his-ass Willard.