My place of employment pushed through an upgrade to Microsoft Office 2013 recently. I spent much of the day loading, reloading, rebooting, sighing, and changing settings. During this process, something occurred to me. While some of my coworkers had real difficulties, I was merely inconvenienced. As well, many had difficulty in getting used to the new layouts and usage. I did not, since my home computer already uses Office 2013. I found myself telling them that you could get used to the new suite, and would eventually forget having disliked it.

That happens with most everything.

Except, of course, Windows 8. Windows 8 was vomited upon an unsuspecting user community before it was ready. Actually, it was as ready as it would ever be. And did I say vomit? It was expunged having been processed to its fullest extent, so I guess I chose the wrong end. Anyway, that steaming pile was left on the porch, surrounded by a flaming bag of enforced obsolescence of older OSs. But this wasn’t my first encounter with a never-to-be-useable Microsoft product.

Microsoft should have been been sued for having the audacity to label the abomination it included in its Visual Studio 2008 suite “Visual Basic.”

Only Microsoft could meld the powerful simplicity of Visual Basic 6.0 with the user unfriendliness of C, and come up with a slow, cumbersome, abortion like Visual Basic 2008.

If Microsoft were to merge human languages the way it merges computer languages: Call the new language English Plus or something similar. Incorporate languages with something to offer, like the simple grammatical rules of Chinese, the regular spelling of Russian. Discard the useful parts, and only incorporate the character writing of Chinese, the confusing cases and tenses of Russian, and remove all articles, like both languages. Keep the worst parts of English, and declare the best parts obsolete. Replace obsolete parts with things completely foreign to the native English speaker.

Declare the old language obsolete, and quit supporting it.

Laugh at the captive fools as they struggle with the sadistic joke you played on them.